What Was Lost

What Was Lost

Chapter 6

Time passed relatively quickly for Xander. Before he knew it, he’d been working at The Rave for a month. A month of working nearly every night… and actually enjoying what he did. A month of card games played – it seemed to him – almost as often, though he’d never again gotten as drunk as he had that first night. A month of getting to know his fellow co-workers, human and demon.

What he’d found out had shaken the foundation of everything he’d believed to be true.

Not all demons were evil. And, just like humans, some were good, others were bad.

He remembered the moment it had hit him. He’d been sitting at the card table. Everyone was swapping stories – the typical bullshit and one-upmanship men engaged in. Somehow the talk had turned to wives and girlfriends, and something had just clicked.

Four of the six players at the table were demons. Two were married; one was in a monogamous relationship. The remaining demon had been Spike, and Xander was well aware of the vampire’s history with women. They spoke of love as if it were a natural thing. And seeing their expressions, even as they teased one another about what their significant others would do to them if they were out too late, Xander could see it.

He remembered catching Spike’s eye, and for once the vampire’s face had been devoid of his usual smirk. In fact, his expression had been carefully neutral.

But he’d seen Spike’s face before the blank mask had gone up. Seen the pain in his eyes.

Just before he’d gone back to his motel for the evening, Xander had tried broaching the subject with Spike, thinking to extend an olive branch by acknowledging the feelings he had for Buffy and perhaps effect a reconciliation. He’d barely gotten the words out when he’d found himself slammed against the wall with a game-faced Spike mere inches from his face.

“Not another word, Harris,” Spike had practically growled.

Xander being Xander, he had opened his mouth to object.

“Not. One. Word.”

He’d been shoved away and Spike had stormed off. He couldn’t help but notice that Spike had snagged a bottle of liquor from the bar on the way to his room above the nightclub, one from the top shelf.

Every attempt Xander had made since that night had been met with more of the same. Spike either ignored him, or worse, left the room entirely.

It was to the point where he’d been ready to chance Spike’s rage and call Buffy.

He didn’t though, only because he figured it would make matters worse. Eventually, Xander dropped it and didn’t engage the vamp in conversation and things settled down into their normal routine: work, the occasional card game, returning to his motel room alone.

“Xander! Hey! I’ve got someone I want you to meet,” Mike called out as Xander walked out of the kitchen and headed towards the bar to begin his shift.

Xander nodded, seeing his boss talking to another man at the far end of the counter.

“Xander, this is Jacobs, the guy you’ve been filling in for.”

“Hey, Jacobs.” Xander shook the man’s hand and introduced himself. “I’m Xander. How’s the arm?”

“Nate.” Jacobs grinned, holding up his hand sans cast and wiggling his fingers. “It’s all better now. I’m a fast healer.”

Xander nodded, understanding the inferred reference to his unhuman state. “That’s great. Guess you’ll be wanting your job back then, huh?”

“It’s no hurry, man. I’m kinda enjoying my mini vacation. Mike here says you’ve been doing a bang up job.”

“Yes. He has,” Mike agreed. He turned to Xander. “So much so, I’d like you to stay on… if you’d like?”

Xander was surprised by the offer of permanent employment. More so by the fact that he could see himself settling in where he was and calling the place home.

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t have mentioned it if I wasn’t serious,” Mike replied. “The crew likes you; so do the customers. And you work hard. I’d be a fool to let you go, and I’m anything but a fool.”

“But— uh…” Xander stammered.

“You don’t have to make up your mind now. Just think about it, alright?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I will.”

Xander got to work, his body on autopilot as he settled into his routine of mixing drinks and passing out bottles of beer to his customers, ringing the sales up and making change. Meanwhile, his mind was busy processing the pros and cons of taking Mike up on his offer.

~*~*~*~*~

Xander tracked Mike down after the club had closed for the night and he’d finished cleaning up the bar area.

“About your offer… Uh, I… that is, I was hoping to go back…” Home, he didn’t say. “… to California. For Christmas. But, if you’ll have me… in say… January…?” Xander trailed off, unsure.

He’d thought long and hard about moving, and came to the conclusion that Myrtle Beach was as good enough a place as any to start a new life. Even with Spike being there. It actually was one of the deciding factors for him wanting to stay.

Outside the influence of Sunnydale, and by extension, Los Angeles, Xander actually got along with the vampire. The negative feelings he’d had against Spike, and demons in general – a bias he’d admittedly had since Angel had burst onto the scene and partly attributed to his jealousy of Buffy’s feelings for him – no longer applied. He’d made friends, real friends, while working at the nightclub.

So, he’d go back to California one last time. Tell his friends his plans, and hope they’d wish him well. He just didn’t see himself living the rest of his life in a place that held so much heartache, fighting a fight with no clear cut sides.

“January’s fine.” Mike smiled and extended in his hand.

Xander shook it, sealing the deal.

“Come on. Let’s go tell the others before they leave. When do you think you’ll head out to California?” Mike steered Xander out of his office and back towards the main area of the nightclub.

“When can you stand to lose me?” Xander asked as they walked. “I don’t want to leave you in a pinch if Jacobs isn’t ready to come back.”

“He’ll be back Monday.”

“Then I guess I’ll leave Monday… if that’s alright?”

“Hey, everyone,” Mike called out, loud enough so that the people in the kitchen would hear. “Come here. I’ve got something to tell you.”

Xander fidgeted while everyone gathered around. Cast furtive glances at Spike as Mike informed them of Xander’s permanent position as a bartender and that he’d be starting in January after a brief visit home for the holidays.

Spike, surprisingly, offered his grudging congratulations along with the others’ more enthusiastic ones, but there was an edge to his voice that Xander couldn’t fail to miss, and he knew he’d have company at some point on his walk back to his motel room tonight.

Sure enough, just before he stuck his key into the lock to let himself into his room, Xander was wrenched around and slammed back against the wall, a snarling vampire in his face.

“You wanna tell me what you’re playin’ at, Harris.”

Xander congratulated himself on not flinching, especially since Spike looked every inch the soulless demon right then, his anger a palpable thing. Yellow eyes pinned him in place as much as the hands digging into his shoulders. He struggled briefly but gave it up after a moment, finally sighing and said, “I can’t go back. At least not permanently.”

Spike didn’t let up on his hold, so Xander elaborated.

“This is the first place I’ve come to that I thought I might be able to call home, and trust me, I’ve been to a lot of places.” He sighed. “I thought… I thought we were… friends, Spike. Or, starting to be anyway.”

Spike jumped back like he’d been burned. “Friends?” He shook off the demon and eyed Xander warily.

“Well, yeah.” Xander pushed himself away from the wall and straightened his coat. One hand lifted automatically to check that his eye patch was still in place. “All that prickliness aside, it’s kinda fun hanging around you.”

Spike grunted and crossed his arms. “So, you’re off to what? Say goodbye to your friends? Tell ‘em you’re gonna go hang with your new buddy, Spike, for a while?”

Xander frowned. “I said I wouldn’t say anything, and I won’t.”

“Uh huh.”

“You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” Spike snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“Well, you could always come with me.”

“Not bloody likely.” Spike hesitated. His scornful look turned contemplative. “But, you can do something while you’re there.”

“Uh… Sure.”

“I had a bag. Not much was in it. Just some clothes and such. Not even sure if it made it—”

“It did,” Xander interrupted. He didn’t mention that prior to his leaving, Buffy had still been constantly rifling through its contents on a daily basis, her grief at Spike’s demise readily apparent. “I’ll, uh, bring it with me when I come back.” Some way, he thought.

How he was going to get through his visit without spilling the news of Spike’s whereabouts was anyone’s guess. But, he was determined to respect the vampire’s wishes; Spike didn’t want to be found, by either Angel or Buffy.

Xander figured he’d have to be nowhere in the vicinity if the subject of Spike ever came up.

~*~*~*~*~

The hotel lobby was deserted when Xander let himself in and shut the door behind him.

“Hello?” he called out, but his voice just echoed around the empty room. He walked further into the lobby, taking note of the Christmas decorations that littered the room. “Probably should have let them know I was coming, rather than try to surprise them,” he muttered as he slung his duffle over his shoulder and started upstairs to the room he’d been using, hoping it wasn’t being used by another.

He was halfway down the hall when a door opened, and Xander stopped and turned around as Angel stuck his head out of his room.

“Xander?” Angel called out sleepily.

“Oh. Hey, Angel. Thought I’d surprise everyone and show up for Christmas. Surprise!”

“That’s nice—”

Angel’s automatic reply ended abruptly on a growl, and Xander stood transfixed as Angel morphed before his eyes and came charging out of his room clad only in a pair of sleep pants.

“Angel!” Xander squeaked as he was slammed up against the wall and Angel snarled in his face. He gasped and gave a tentative, “Angelus?” though he prayed it wasn’t. The last time he’d gone up against the unsouled vampire, he’d barely scraped by with his neck intact. If Angel was indeed Angelus now, there was no chance of that being the case, especially with the hotel being deserted.

“You want to tell me why you smell like Spike, boy,” Angel snarled, fangs inches from Xander’s ear.

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