What Was Lost
by SpikesKat
Chapter 14
“We have to tell her.”
Xander started to speak, perhaps to deny what Angel was saying, or to agree.
“She needs to know.”
And there was such—Xander wasn’t quite sure what word to use to encompass the range of emotions Angel was feeling as he spoke of Buffy – pain, regret, sorrow. He could only nod quietly. Said, “I can’t do it. It’ll have to be you. I—” I can’t break my promise to Spike.
“I know.” And for once, Angel understood Xander’s reluctance. His unwittingly having put himself in the middle.
“She has to know about the soul, Angel. I don’t want her coming here without knowing. Spike deserves—he doesn’t deserve having her fight with him. If she can’t love him without it…”
“I’ll tell her.”
“It may not be enough. Spike’s been—” Spike had only hinted to Xander about his time spent in hell, and that because he’d been drunk at the time, but Xander had been able to figure out that both Buffy and Angel had had starring roles in his torment. “He won’t let himself be hurt again.”
Xander finished off his beer then leaned back into the chair and closed his eye. Telling Buffy could backfire in his and Angel’s face. Whatever friendship he’d forged with Spike irrevocably damaged. Still…
Buffy and Spike were his friends. They deserved to be happy. Together, if at all possible.
The two lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
When Angel could take the quiet no more, he stood and headed towards the door. Xander followed behind, intent on locking up behind him.
As Angel crossed the threshold, he turned back and asked, “How did you know?”
“About Spike?”
Angel nodded.
Xander shrugged. “Like recognizing like, I guess.” He sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “I fell into a bottle about a mile outside of Los Angeles. Lost my soul in the process. I didn’t sober up until I hit rock bottom in a little town called Liberty, Texas. Not sure if my soul survived the process. Hell, I’m not sure if I could get it back. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of…” His voice trailed off and he shrugged again. “What about you?
“What about me?” Angel wanted to know.
“Spike’s still walking around and you don’t seem too eager to stake him.”
“It’s complicated.”
“As complicated as me being friends with an evil, soulless vampire?”
Angel grunted. His eyes flashed briefly, but Xander wasn’t afraid. Angel seemed more bluster than bite these days.
“Losing Spike once was more than either the soul or demon could take,” Angel replied honestly. “It damn near destroyed me. I could no more kill Spike now than I could my own child.” He got in Xander’s face, his eyes more yellow than brown. “I accept him, just as you accept him.”
“So long as we’re on the same page. He’s not like you.”Not like Angelus.
Angel stepped back and Xander took a deep breath. “No, William was always different. Too softhearted by half.”
A smile played about Angel’s lips and in that moment he looked eerily like Angelus. Then he seemed to shake himself and the moment was gone. His face settled into his perpetual brood.
“I’ll call you once I’ve spoken with Buffy.”
And that was apparently that, Xander thought. Angel turned away, leather coat billowing behind him as he walked down the hall towards the stairwell.
Xander rolled his eye and stepped back into his apartment, shut and locked the door. At least now he knew where Spike learned his dramatic exits from.
~*~*~*~*~
Two days later, Xander replaced the phone in the handset and glanced down at the flight details he’d hastily scribbled on a scratch piece of paper.
Buffy was on her way.
Angel hadn’t gone into details of the conversation he’d had with her other than to say that Buffy knew about the soul, or lack thereof, and was flying out on Angel’s jet to see Spike. He’d deliberately planned a stopover in Atlanta so that she’d arrive early tomorrow morning.
At least she was coming alone.
Xander wasn’t quite sure how he would have survived not only Buffy’s disappointment, but Willow’s as well. He took a steadying breath before shoving the paper in his pocket and turning back to the bar and the customers waiting to be served. As he mixed a drink for a young redhead, he glanced guiltily at where Spike stood guarding the entrance to the VIP lounge.
It was going to be a long night.
~*~*~*~*~
The first thing Buffy did after hurrying down the steps of the jet was throw herself into Xander’s arms. She nearly squeezed the breath out of him, but that was okay – she wasn’t hitting him, which was probably more than he deserved.
A moment later, she stepped back and socked him in the arm none too gently.
“Okay… oww!” Xander complained as he attempted to rub away the ache.
“That was for not telling me about Spike,” Buffy informed him before she hit him again, in the exact same spot.
“Oww! What was that for?”
“For stealing Spike’s stuff and making me almost stake Angel.”
“You almost staked Angel? And I missed it? Damn!”
Buffy’s lips twitched at his forlorn expression.
“Don’t try and make me laugh, Xander. I’m still mad at you.”
“Are you going to be mad at me for long?” His tone came across as playful, but in truth, he really wanted to know.
Buffy took note of his rigid stance, the wariness in his eye and sighed.
“No. Me and Angel talked. Well, actually, Angel did most of the talking. Is it really gone? Spike’s soul.”
“Yes.”
Buffy nodded, as if fortifying herself. “That’s okay. I don’t care.”
Xander’s eyebrows rose.
“I mean, I care. He worked hard to get his soul back. It’s not fair that he had to sacrifice it to save the word. It doesn’t change the way I feel though.” She looked at Xander intently. “How is he?”
“Some days are better than others. He’s got a job… and friends now.”
“You’re his friend.”
Xander wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, but he nodded anyway. “Things are different now. I—” Grew up.
“It’s okay, Xander.” Buffy said when Xander seemed at a loss for words. “Really. It hurt. I’m not gonna lie. But I’m kinda glad that he had you, you know, as a friend.”
Buffy looped her arm through Xander’s and together they walked back to his car.
Want to leave a REVIEW?
