Chapter 2

The next several days were rough in the Summers’ house. Buffy didn’t talk to anyone about what she witnessed in the portal. Willow, Xander, Dawn, and even Giles, were alternately questioning her about her new “relationship” with Spike or questioning her judgment about his position in their household. Their constant interrogation was beginning to grate on her nerves. She had yet to answer their pointed comments about her new sleeping arrangements. Personally, it was none of their damn business. She didn’t butt into their sex lives, she didn’t know what they thought gave them the right to butt into hers.

The sad part was, she and Spike weren’t even having sex, both content to hold each other before they drifted off to sleep.

Things came to a head nearly a week later when, after finding out that Spike’s chip was gone and yet the vampire was still being manipulated by the First, Giles set in motion a plan to have Spike killed. In order to make the potentials feel safer in her home, Buffy had reluctantly agreed to have Spike stay at Principal Wood’s place – just until they could deactivate the trigger holding Spike hostage.

In order for their plan to work, they knew that Buffy had to be distracted. Giles concocted a plan to have Buffy conduct a one-on-one training session with him. 

A lame attempt to get her back to the basics, which she realized belated. She’d not seen the distraction for what is was, since she’d had her own reasons to do so. Like using their time alone together to explain to Giles about her “vision.”

~*~*~*~*~

Giles was going on and on about something, half of which Buffy tuned out while she sought a quick resolution to the newly risen fledgling that had intruded upon their patrol. She was just about to drive her stake home when Giles’ words stayed her hand.

“Don’t kill him yet.”

“What? Why not?” she asked, incredulously. She gaped at him as he went on about sacrifice and generals and difficult decisions. The word sacrifice brought home her excuse for undertaking this excursion in the first place.  She started to explain to Giles about her vision when she was attacked from behind by the fledgling she had disregarded.

A few minutes later, Buffy had the vampire subdued once more.

“…and yet there’s Spike,” Buffy heard Giles say.

“Look, I already told you. That chip was killing him.” Exasperation crept into her voice; it seemed like they had had this conversation every day since Giles had found out. Broken record much?

Spike’s headaches had been getting worse, and he and the Slayer had gone back to the burned out laboratories of the Initiative in an attempt to find a solution to the chip’s malfunction. While there, the two had encountered a half-starved demon that looked upon Spike and Buffy as its next meal. They’d managed to defeat the beast only to be confronted by some very pissed off soldiers. Apparently, her coded phone call to Riley had worked. When the doctor had pulled her aside and told her that he could either fix the chip or remove it, Buffy hadn’t hesitated. 

She’d had him remove it.

The damn thing should have never been implanted in the first place. Besides, Spike had a soul. And even if he hadn’t, Buffy didn’t think it would matter. Spike had always been a rare breed of vampire. As much as he liked to say that he was the “Big Bad”, he wore his humanity like a badge of honor for all to see. Through him, Buffy had learned to see things in a muted grey, instead of the clear-cut black and white philosophy of her youth. Spike had also shown her that demons could love, and he wasn’t scared to admit it.

So, the chip had been removed. No more headaches for Spike. And his awed gaze as he’d realized that she trusted him was more than enough proof that he would never hurt her, or any of the others. No matter how much Xander might drive him to it.

Buffy came out of her reverie to hear Giles lecturing ad nauseam about Spike being a liability, and that he lacked self-awareness.

“Spike is here because I want him here. We need him. I’m in the fight of my life.”

“Really?” the fledgling asked, excited at the prospect of getting one-up on the Slayer.

“Not you, Richard,” she told the vampire she was currently sparing with - because, honestly, he was no match for her level of skill.

“You want Spike here even after what he’s done to you in the past?

“It’s different now. He has a soul,” she explained for the umpteenth time. God, this was getting old.

“And the First is exploiting that to his advantage.”

“Oh, my God.” Buffy quickly staked the vampire held in her arms. “You’re stalling me. You’re keeping me away—”  Frantically, she rushed off towards Wood’s house. The sound of Giles’ words drifted after her as she ran.

“It’s time to stop playing the role of general, and start being one.”

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy arrived at Wood’s place just as Spike was closing the door. Her relief was so great upon seeing him alive she didn’t stop, just threw her arms around him, holding him tight.

“Oh, Spike…” she couldn’t finish, too overwhelmed by the emotion churning through her body. Even knowing that he would soon be gone from her life, sacrificing himself to save everyone, she just couldn’t bear for him to disappear any sooner than necessary. They had a few months yet before the final confrontation and she planned to live for those months, with Spike by her side. If the others didn’t like it, well. that was too damn bad.

“It’s ok, pet,” he replied as he held her close. He had been shocked by Buffy’s behavior after she came back from that portal a few days ago. Gone was the girl that was always swayed by her friends’ opinion. In her place stood a new and improved Buffy – one that decided what was right for her and to hell with what others thought. All he could think was: it’s about bloody time. He’d always known he was her perfect counterpart – his yin to her yang, his moon to her sun – complete opposites, but in perfect harmony with each other.

“Is he…?”

“Dead? Nah… kinda’ felt bad for the bloke. I did kill his mum and all. But, that’s it. He’s comes after me again, and I won’t be held responsible for my actions. The days of ‘kick the Spike’ are over.”

Buffy felt his body stiffen as he spoke, and she lifted her head off his chest to look at him. She knew he was serious, meant every word he’d just said, but she could still see the hint of vulnerability in his eyes, as if he was worried about what she might think. She lifted her hand to trail down the sharp edge of his cheekbone.

She gave him a slight smile and nodded.

The depths of his gaze showed his relief and she felt his body relax against hers. Pulling her close, he breathed in her scent and allowed her acceptance of his words to wash over him. After awhile, the two pulled apart to head home, and Buffy slipped her hand in his as they walked.

~*~*~*~*~

When they reached the house and stepped inside, they noticed Giles waiting in the kitchen. She told Spike that she wanted to talk to Giles and that she’d meet him downstairs afterwards. His eyes registered surprise as she leaned up and lightly brushed her lips across his. As quickly as the delicate touch of her lips on his began, it was over. But the lingering sensation remained with him long after Buffy had walked out the kitchen door telling Giles that she would like to speak with him.

Bringing his fingers to his lips, a slight smile formed, and he turned and opened the basement door, descending the steps to await her return in the room he had secretly labeled “theirs.”

~*~*~*~*~

Outside, Buffy was seething with barely suppressed rage. Her stiff gait as she ate up the sidewalk was a clear indication to Giles that he was in for an earful. Suddenly, she stopped and swung around to face him.  He came to an abrupt halt at the look on her face. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that she was struggling not to hurt him. That if she hadn’t known him as well as she did, she would certainly be pummeling him right about now.

The notion had his jaw dropping in astonishment. Would she actually hurt him, and over a chipless vampire, albeit now ensouled? 

“Buffy…”

“Don’t! Just don’t say a word, Giles. This time, you’re going to listen to me. And, maybe, just maybe, I won’t go finish what Spike wouldn’t do.” Giles’ shoulders relaxed as he deciphered that Wood was still alive. When he had seen the two walk in the house moments ago, he hadn’t been entirely certain. Placating her as best he could under the circumstance, he nodded, not saying anything.

“I wasn’t planning on saying anything. The conditions of my sudden knowledge hinged on me not saying a word. To anyone.” Her head dropped and she gazed at her feet, trying to get her rising emotions under control. It almost worked. When she lifted her head to look at her former watcher, her eyes were shining with unshed tears. “Not even him.”

“Buffy, I …” She held up her hand in the universal sign to stop, her bottom lip pulled into her mouth to keep from crying. Giles bit off his words and waited for her to continue.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, she started again.

“He’s going to die… saving the world.” There. It was out in the open. The words that she had been painfully holding inside issued forth from her lips making them real for her. Her shoulders drooped and the tears she had valiantly been holding back broke past their invisible barrier to slide down her cheeks.

“Who is…? Spike?” Giles questioned, uncertain.

Buffy just nodded, unable to give voice to the words again.

“But… that is…” Typical Giles, when pulled out of his comfort zone, he stuttered and stammered, trying to make sense of it all. Then true to fashion, the glasses came off for a vigorous cleaning. Buffy would have smiled at the gesture if she weren’t so heartbroken.

“Yes. Spike.” Finally. A confirmation of the events that were predestined to occur. With understanding, came acceptance… followed by admiration and respect. She was in awe that a vampire could change enough to become a savior of men. Her voice was stronger now as she continued.

“Spike is going to save the world, and he’s going to die to do it.” Pride filled her voice.

“I don’t understand… how?”

“I can’t tell you how. I’m only telling you this so you will cease your plans to pull him from my side. He’s here to stay. Deal with it. He is my champion.”

“But...”

“Look, Giles. When I went through that portal, they were waiting for me… the ones that had created the First Slayer. They were gonna turn me into this half-demon, like they did her…and well…I didn’t want that. So, I flashed a few Slayer moves taking two of them out before busting their staff that made the demon essence fade away. I think I said something sarcastic like: tell me something I don’t know. And, well, they did. They showed it all to me... every last little bit. Then, the next thing I knew I was lying on my living room floor.”

Giles stared at her, amazed that she had been gifted with such foresight.

Buffy watched the wheels turning in his head, already imagining him with pen and diary. She began shaking her head no.

“But…”

“No, Giles. Not one word. Afterwards, go ahead. Mark this day down in history for all world to see. Immortalize my Spike on paper. Just. Not. Now.”

With a resigned sigh, he nodded his assent. He would wait.

“And you and him?”

“Will spend whatever time we have remaining... together. I’m tired of conforming to everyone else’s standards. I’m the Slayer. I’m not meant for normal. Spike is my other half. It’s time I told him. If the others can’t handle it… tough! I neither want, nor asked, for their opinion.”

“They’re going to wonder…”

“So let them wonder. I’m tired of explaining myself to them. If they’re my friends, they’ll stand by my decision. If not, well… I’m tired of doing what they think is best for me. And if you think to reassure them by what I’ve said here… don’t. I’ve probably already pushed it by telling you.”

“I won’t say a word. And, Spike? Will you tell him?”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “He will have to make the decision of his own free will.”

“But you just said…”

“Oh, I have no doubt as to his choice. You see, he loves me. And he’d do anything to keep me safe. Even if it means dying.”

With those confident words hovering between the two of them, she turned and walked back to the house. Her time with Spike was limited and she wanted to spend all of it with him. She had a lot of living to do in a short period of time and needed to create as many happy memories as possible. Something that she could pull out later, after he was gone.

~*~*~*~*~

Whatever Giles told the Scoobies must have been convincing, because no one asked her about Spike. Weeks seemed to fly by as their small group prepared to do battle with the First. When Buffy wasn’t training the potentials, she was out on patrol – with Spike at her side – or spending time alone with him. 

Their sleeping arrangements were still the same – they held one another close as they drifted off to sleep – but they had yet to consummate their newfound love. For now, whispered words and tender kisses were shared between the two. And while Buffy would have liked to show him how much she loved him, she hesitated, sensing that he was still adjusting to her acceptance of their love for one another. She didn’t mind, she would wait until he was ready.

And, if it never happened before he was gone. Well, she was alright with that too. Love wasn’t just about sex. It was about being there for one another, in whatever capacity that may be.

~*~*~*~*~

Another week passed, then a phone call came from L.A. Willow was needed. When she came back, she had a new sidekick: Faith. The dark-haired Slayer still exhibited her bad-girl attitude, but Buffy could see that her eyes were haunted. The gruff exterior was a show to cover the pain of her mistakes. With her new insight into life, Buffy forgave the girl for what she had done, the two having gone off to talk alone shortly after Faith arrived.

Buffy had listened as Faith told her of the situation in L.A. How she’d broken out of jail after Wesley had come for her, the confrontation with Angelus and how she’d used her body to inject a serum that would incapacitate him, knowing that he would attempt to drain her. She had slipped into a coma afterwards, lost in Angel’s dreams with no hope for redemption – only death. In the end, she’d realized that she wasn’t supposed to die for her past crimes... but live.

After her story, Faith had told her about a girl they had found lying on the road. Apparently, there was a new player in town, working for the First, and his name was Caleb. Buffy showed no outward surprise, but inwardly she cringed. It was just one more nail in the coffin, confirming her vision. 

She had already known about Caleb.

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