Cruel Fate

by SpikesKat

Eyes that once looked at me with love and devotion no longer do. Instead they’re now filled with such malevolence, that it breaks my heart. His contempt, the lips that sneer where they would once smile shyly as I approached, leave me cold inside… and I know I’ll never feel warm again. 

Tonight was no different, though it didn’t keep me from trying, desperate to get through to him, to the real Angel. The one that made me see the man, not the monster. The one that loved me unconditionally. 

“Angel, I know you’re in there somewhere. You love me. I know you do. Tell me you remember…” 

Mentioning what we had – have, because I still haven’t given up hope – the feelings we shared, only made him angry. Made him lash out once again. 

Inflicting damage with fists and booted feet, blows that I barely blocked and couldn’t bring myself to counter, and I know from past experience they’ll leave bruises on my body that will last for days. 

But all of that – the cracked ribs, the split lip, the sprained wrists – all of it is nothing compared to the hurt he delivered with his words. Each denial, each cutting remark lashed into my flesh, jagged little lines that marred my skin, making me bleed anew. His disgust at our relationship, at what I had made him feel, was the salt poured into the wound. 

He’d towered over me as I had lain there on the grass, curled into a ball to protect myself against further attack, tears falling unheeded down my cheeks. I’d barely managed to bite back a sob as he’d laughingly told me how pathetic I was in my desperation to win him back, that he was a demon and incapable of loving a human, let alone, a slayer. 

Me. 

I’m not sure how long I lay there, an easy target for anything that happened to come along. Part of me wished something had, because maybe then I could escape the downward spiral my life has become: my lover’s betrayal, my watcher’s disappointment, my less than supportive friends… my oblivious mother. 

Eventually I managed to rouse myself and wipe hastily at my tear-streaked face then started for home. The cemetery remained deserted while I’d wallowed in self-pity. Probably Fate’s way of telling me not to give up. 

I don’t want to concede defeat, god knows I don’t. But there’s only so much I can take. 

The bruises will heal; truthfully, I barely notice them, though my ribs are a little sore. 

It’s the verbal onslaught I can’t get out of my head, rather than the physical reminder of our latest fight. Even now, several hours later, I can still hear his cruel laughter carrying on the wind as he slipped away into the darkness. 

I’ve got Mr. Gordo tucked against my side as I lie in bed buried beneath the covers, but his presence does little to soothe me. 

Instead I hear Angelus’ parting remark. 

“Be seeing you soon, lover.” 

My eyes dart frequently to my bedside window. 

And I wait… 

The End

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