Conflicted

by SpikesKat

“Higgledy-piggledy?” Buffy demanded, staring at her friend with equal parts frustration, anger, and astonishment. “Willow, giving it a cute name isn’t going to change what you did. I was engaged to Spike. Spike! We were…” 

In love. Happy. 

She mentally shook herself and concentrated once more on Willow. “You made Giles blind. And Xander? Willow, he could have been seriously hurt.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Willow hung her head, not wanting to see the condemnation in Buffy’s eyes. 

The two were outside, out of earshot of the others. Of the three, Buffy had the most reason to be upset and they’d no sooner returned to Giles’ after the spell had been broken and things had gone back to normal than she’d snagged Willow’s arm and dragged her away. 

“Sorry isn’t good enough. Not this time, Willow. Magic isn’t a quick fix for everything.” 

“I know,” Willow reiterated pleadingly. There were tears in her eyes as she tried to explain. “I—it’s just with Oz gone, I wanted to stop feeling like this. It hurts, Buffy. All the time.” 

“I know it does. You’re not the only person that’s lost someone, you know.” Remembering Angel’s departure made Buffy’s own voice sound less than steady. “Look, I’m tired. Tell Giles and the others I’ll see them tomorrow.” 

Before Willow could reply, Buffy walked away; her shoulders drooped when she saw that her friend wasn’t walking back towards campus and the room they shared together. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Buffy wasn’t sure where she was going when she left Willow standing outside Giles’ door. She just had to get away before she said something she’d regret. Willow had seemed genuinely remorseful in the aftermath of her failed spell – she’d done nothing but apologize the entire way back to her watcher’s house – but Buffy wasn’t convinced. There’d been a defensiveness in the way she stood. 

And, rather than call Willow on it, she’d walked away. 

Unfortunately, it left her with nowhere to go. 

Sighing, calling herself a coward, she trudged towards downtown. Maybe a quick patrol through town and a few cemeteries would take her mind off things. 

How she wound up standing before the same bridal shop Riley had confronted her at was anyone’s guess. Only this time, there was no Riley to seem shocked over her coming nuptials. She was alone, and her eyes were once more drawn to the dress displayed in the window. 

Again, images flashed before her eyes – not of her coming wedding day, but of her time spent locked in Willow’s spell. 

Spike and his attentiveness. The constant touching and affection. 

The look in his eyes when he told her… just that one time… 

“I love you, Buffy.” 

Then again, right as the spell had ended. He’d waited – splaying on his back beneath her – willing to take his cue from her. 

What she’d found was that her feelings hadn’t ended with the spell, just the pressing desire to plan their wedding. 

And that was the crux of the matter. 

But at her prompting, she and Spike had fumbled their way through their feigned revulsion after that initial frozen moment. 

They’d pulled it off too. Their performances over the top to ensure their success. 

None of her friends even suspected that she had conflicting emotions about the bleached blond vampire that had been such a thorn in her side. 

The End

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